When I had my first child I worried about the baby being born healthy, how I would cope on my own, how to be a good mother. I didn't think about how it would effect my creativity. I didn't give it a thought...my mind was too full with anxiety about getting the baby out of my body and then taking care of it. When it happened the birth was straightforward and looking after her was a joy. I came across this quote by Cyril Connolly a few years ago and read it in a slightly shocked way because my creativity exploded when my baby was born.
Of course I was exhausted most of the time, living on three hours sleep yet I had to write and paint whenever I could. I would sketch the baby as she slept. Write poems as she breastfed, well scribbled them down on a pad balanced on my knee. There are times when I could scream because I am working on a poem or story in a snatched moment when the children are playing outside and they come in and interupt me for the fourteenth time but I just swallow the annoyance and on focus on them for a while, let the poem simmer until I can come back to it.
It means that when I can write there is a frenzied urgency to it, I have to make the most of the time I have. I also want to make my children proud. It's no use thinking 'I want to be a writer' and not do anything about it. So there is a determination to learn new skills and sharpen my talent until I can look at a poem or story, sketch or painting and feel satisfied that it is the best I can do.
So I do not agree with Cyril Connolly's miserable prediction about motherhood and having children in the home. I think having a child transformed me into a more productive artist and I wouldn't exchange it for the peace and quiet of an empty hallway. Although I do wish I had someone to do all the laundry for me.
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