I have had a severe case of writer's block since July. My Grandfather's funeral (followed by a rift between myself and a loved one) turned something off inside me, something creative. I have spent too much time thinking and not enough time writing.
I knew it was severe because I didn't want to read either. The idea of Ruth not reading is quite astonishing seeing how my nose has been stuck inside a book ever since I worked out how to read.
I normally read three or four books at the same time all located in different parts of the house. A bedroom book, a book balanced on the arm of the sofa, a bathroom book, a book to read in the kitchen instead of cleaning it. Reading in the bath is one of my favourite things and don't worry, I have never got a book wet. Books are my favourite pastime. So losing the desire to read highlighted something serious was happening.
I have a pile of excellent books next to the bed and I could hardly face looking at them, let alone pick them up and read them. They felt so weighty and oppressing. Of course, one of the problems is that I was procrastinating in a major way to avoid facing the books I need to read so I can write my dissertation. Despite the fact I am excited and interested in those very same books. I am fearful of starting such a vast piece of work when I spend all my time hurrying from one domestic chore to the next. Three children who all need loving, playing with, cleaning, feeding, escorting to school, parties, activities. Grandparents to visit and friends to help and be there for. It can be overwhelming and that is before I even start the most important writing I have ever attempted to do. No wonder I am frozen and can't start.
“If you don't have time to read, you don't have the time (or the tools) to write. Simple as that.” Stephen King
Not wanting to read was not stopping me from doing any writing but it was a symptom of the problem. I had to struggle to write a poem for my monthly stanza group. I didn't read the book for my monthly book group meeting. Things were certainly odd. Things had to change. Reading to my daughter helped break the hurdle. We spent the evenings reading Harry Potter. I was dreading it when she chose it, but her enthusiasm made me enjoy it so much that when we finished book 4 I went off and read the next three. Fast, in greedy gulps. Now I have picked up the first novel in a long time and I am enjoying it. Reading is a pleasure again.
Stephen King is a writer who I admire very much. His memoir 'On Writing' is an interesting and useful account of his experience of being a writer. It is part autobiographical and part a guide to writing, including tips and advice. I read it years ago and I still remember lots of the quotes from it, like:
“The scariest moment is always just before you start.”
That sums up my feeling all summer. The fear of starting the darn thing. The fear of opening my novel and finishing it. The fear of looking at my collection of Queen poems and actually trying to edit them into something resembling a poetry book. Mr King says a writer should sit down every day and just get on with it. He suggests 2,000 words a day should do it. I also like the idea of 'morning pages' one of my creative writing teachers told me about from the book 'The Artist's Way.' Three pages of long hand every morning, that can be about anything, just write whatever comes into your head. Like Mr King suggests it will establish the habit of writing and then you can turn that into something tangible and worthwhile.
So this morning I wrote my three pages. It was hard at first. It was quite a rant about everything I have been worried about. Then it formed the bones of a poem. That is a good start.
